Clueless

I don't know why. I just don't know.
Why can't it be simple, why must be so fucking complicated? Why do I feel these feelings? Why do I think these thoughts? Feeling what I shouldn't. Hoping what cannot be. Porque pongámoslo en claro ya de entrada: it's not the way to go! It's what I keep repeating to myself, in an honest way, that I won't do. Eso de la piedra y la repetición, ustedes saben. Entonces why?

Maybe is the void. The silent phone. The empty spaces. Maybe it's just me. It would be so much easy if it were just me. Nothing else, nobody else, just me. But I can't. And what I want... don't make go there again. Oh, y las barreras, those stupid things society puts in your way: you must think before you act, check all the variables, weight them, see if everything fits, if nothing breaks the limits, all just neat and clean, please don't break anything. And love? Bien, gracias.

BTW, what is love after all? Caring for someone? Knowing that someone cares for you? Or maybe just won't being able to keep from thinking in that someone, wanting to know everything that is to know, even what you don't want to know, feeling the need to be, the urge to be. And specially letting go, being yourself, not someone else, just the one you truly are, vos mismo, not the one the others expect you to be, being your true self and knowing that it's ok, that you don’t need to pretend.

But is that love, or is just the idea of being in love? Because, if it's like that... what am I doing? What am I looking for? What am I waiting for?

I don't know.

I
Just
Don't
Know.

HerGus